Mastering Fear
Fear is a full time job.
Seriously don’t we have enough on our plates without another full time role added to the mix.
There are so many variants to this, I’m specifically honing in on the ones that I face frequently.
You know the:
Fear of success
Fear of rejection
Fear of commitment
Fear of failure (a classic)
“Yes but failure is just us learning”…true…
But it’s a damn sight harder when you have a family and home to provide for to actively go seeking fear and failure.
We care so much about what other people will say it paralyses us. One person might object but 500 people might show love and support.
We’d rather stay in a job we hate than raise our voice and explain why we want to leave.
Let other people worry about what they’re going to say about you, they’re going to say it anyway.
If you live long enough, you will suffer – V.Frankel
It’s good this is happening now rather than later as I will be better for later going through this now.
“Fear is our survival response,”
Fear Is Physical
Fear is experienced in your mind, but it triggers a strong physical reaction in your body. As soon as you recognize fear, your amygdala (small organ in the middle of your brain) goes to work. It alerts your nervous system, which sets your body’s fear response into motion. Stress hormones like cortisol and adrenaline are released. Your blood pressure and heart rate increase. You start breathing faster. Even your blood flow changes — blood actually flows away from your heart and into your limbs, making it easier for you to start throwing punches, or run for your life. Your body is preparing for fight-or-flight.
Fear Can Make You Foggy
As some parts of your brain are revving up, others are shutting down. When the amygdala senses fear, the cerebral cortex (area of the brain that harnesses reasoning and judgment) becomes impaired — so now it’s difficult to make good decisions or think clearly. As a result, you might scream and throw your hands up when approached by an actor in a haunted house, unable to rationalize that the threat is not real.
If people didn’t feel fear, they wouldn’t be able to protect themselves from legitimate threats. Fear is a vital response to physical and emotional danger that has been pivotal throughout human evolution, but especially in ancient times when men and women regularly faced life-or-death situations.
What everyday fears can hold us back?
Some feelings commonly described as “fears” are not strictly phobias, but mental obstacles that limit people’s actions and decisions, often preventing them from making progress, such as the fear of failure, the fear of success, the fear of rejection, the fear of missing out, or the fear of commitment. These feelings of insecurity, unworthiness, or indecision can often be addressed in therapy.
What thought changes could help free people from their everyday fears?
Minding one’s thoughts, acknowledging their fears, and being present can go a long way toward managing everyday fears. The first step is to question the story behind a fear. When one’s mental predictions insist that something will go wrong or that an individual faces imminent danger, the ability to step back, recognize those thoughts as stories, and calmly evaluate whether they are true or rational can be a powerful step toward overcoming them.
How do some people successfully resist fears?
No one lives without fear, but those individuals perceived as courageous may respond to and manage their fears in ways that may offer models to others. First, they are not afraid to be afraid, knowing it’s a feeling that is sometimes unavoidable, and that it’s a feeling that can be useful when it’s recognized as an alert and not a barrier. With this knowledge, they can prepare without panicking, take action instead of shying away from it, and ask for help when their fears clue them in that it may be needed.
Two ways! Not five or seven.
I’m breaking the marketing rules and picking two bullet points, one because it’s all I can think of and two because with just these two little gems a lot can be done.
Let’s get into it.
Meaningful work…what even is that? Is that just guru talk to draw us into a course or woo woo way of thinking.
For me (as I’m the one writing this), meaningful work would have to give a sense of fulfilment, purpose and make me feel pretty good about getting out of bed in the morning.
Not every morning though, we all have the down days and weeks. But I’m talking 80% I’m happy to get up that day to go do my work.
Our work plays a big part in our overall well-being.
I like to categories well-being super simply in four categories:
Work
Energy
Love
Finances
If I have those four firing on all cylinders, life is pretty good.
But for now, we’ll focus on work.
Plus work plays such a big part in our well-being, it effects so many other pillars in our life.
It’s all interconnected.
If we’re unhappy at work, this likely effects our relationships, our energy levels and financial choices.
Feeling unfulfilled at work, can make us feel at a total loss and be very confusing but fixing that can lead us to a purpose filled and driven working life.
So how might we go about doing this?
I’ve got news, I’ve just thought of a third point so its now three, not two ways.
And seriously, this isn’t woo woo magical universe tricks. This is a) backed by countless studies and b) my own personal experience rings real true to this.
No. 1 – Your Values
Another value based exercise…I’m afraid so, but for good reason. This here is mission critical if you’re:
an entrepreneur going into business with someone else
an entrepreneur in business full stop
you’re an employee
Figuring out where your inner values sit and ranking them in order can really help making sure you’re working in the right arena. For example, a couple of my values and things I love to do are ‘creating’ and ‘helping others’.
So does my role allow me to create. This might look like creating a new business, creating a new operating system, creating a program and so on.
And a role where I can help others; this could be mentoring a team member, helping someone find work or charitable work through our company.
Exercise number one; grab a notebook, jot your core values and the things you love to do down.
No.2 – Your Perception
Mindset shifting.
Our own perception and our own internal expectations dictate pretty much how we feel about everything.
If you perceive your work as a recruitment consultant to be ‘just a job’ – then that is all it will ever be and you’ll find it hard to find meaning in it.
But if you perceive the same role as something along the lines of “I help people find meaningful work and careers that help their circumstances and lives excel to new heights. This then helps their families; they form new relationships and have their own significant impact in their world”.
That’s pretty cool eh?
Exercise number two; grab the same notebook, jot down how your work has meaning and significance. How does it have impact? Who is it impacting?
No. 3 – Become a master craftsman
Now you’re aligned with your core values and can link that to your work, you’ve changed your internal story on the work that you do, now become a master at it.
Literally become the best in your county, the best in your country, the best in your field.
Sounds a bit mental right? A bit like a lot of hard work right?
But why would we not work hard and become the best at our craft? If you’re sat wasting time scrolling social media and the job at hand hasn’t been done – isn’t that added stress to your day?
When you could have just worked hard at your craft, got the work done to exceptional standards, over and over until you’re oversubscribed with clients.
When we pursue purpose and engage in important work we experience positive effects.
What we can control is how we show up to our craft and how we perceive our work.
Have fun.
Pete Taylor
Welcome to the Awakened Man Project